Highlight moments
Despite the difficulties in research and life, especially as a person who uses wheelchair and has bipolar disorder, I feel I am privileged.
I feel privileged as being handicap since it grants me opportunities to communicate to different groups of people, including the groups that are different from what I came from. I feel privileged since I received extraordinary love and support which empower me to where I stand (or sit) currently. A greet from strangers, a hug when I fall down physically or mentally... There are small moments that make my day, and hopefully can make you smile.
Here is a never-ending acknowledge page for those wonderful people and sparking moments that enlightened my journey. I am trying my best to remember all the highlight moments. Those undocumented here are well preserved in my heart.
Love three thousand,
Miao :)
I feel privileged as being handicap since it grants me opportunities to communicate to different groups of people, including the groups that are different from what I came from. I feel privileged since I received extraordinary love and support which empower me to where I stand (or sit) currently. A greet from strangers, a hug when I fall down physically or mentally... There are small moments that make my day, and hopefully can make you smile.
Here is a never-ending acknowledge page for those wonderful people and sparking moments that enlightened my journey. I am trying my best to remember all the highlight moments. Those undocumented here are well preserved in my heart.
Love three thousand,
Miao :)
The people that I can't express gratitute enough to since they gave me soooooo much love and support (in alphabet order):
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The moments that make my heart swell with happiness and motivation to step higher:
@Mar 29, 2024.
On the bus to New Brighton, a black person got off the bus before me.
While the driver was un-hooking me, the person flatten the snow pile at the curb, and leaft behind a pathway as the size of the wheelchair.
I shouted to him, already on the other side of the street, after I got off: "thanks for making the way!" He saluted to me.
@Mar 20, 2024.
Residual light from sunset, bed after bath, cat lying on top of me.
What a wonderful day.
@Feb 12, 2024. The first workday in the year of dragon.
@Jan 30, 2024. Discussed with paratransit driver about our attitute to news.
@Jan 26, 2024. Met my favorate SCI (spinal cord injury) doctor so far.
@Jan 23, 2024. Telling Z that my schedule this semester is crazy, since I am always too ambious during planning phase.
@November 20 - December 28, 2023. In an intensive outpatient program for depression recovery at Rogers Behavioral Health
@December 09, 2023. Quote from the novel <Qing Yu Nian>, which is adpated from <The Twelve Kingdoms>
我希望庆国的人民都能成为不羁之民,受到他人虐待时有不屈服之心,受到灾恶侵袭时有不受挫折之心;
I hope the people in Qing can all be free, never bow to any abusement, never give up in the face of any disaster;
若有不正之事时,不恐惧修正之心;不向豺虎献媚……
Whenever there is injustice, never be afraid to make it right; never flatter the jackals...
我希望庆国的国民,每一位都能成为王;都能成为统治被称为『自己』这块领土的,独一无二的王。
I hope each one of the people in Qing can all become king; a unique king who rules over the territory called "me".
@November, 2023 Emotional unstable period, sad about a lot of thing that I can not accept and I decided to change.
@October 31, 2023 Paratransit driver gave me a lolipop after dropping me off
@October 24, 2023 After discussion on the 3rd floor, I am going through lab to my office on the 2nd floor.
@October 21, 2023
@October 15, 2023 Walk the dog (Mang) with Chau
@October 12, 2023
@October 10, 2023
@October 3, 2023 Bus driver of 121
@March 2, 2023 Delivered my first Ecology lecture.
@February 1, 2023 Received PhD offer, telling Yixi Zhu that I was telling the world about my happiness.
@December 7, 2022 Forest came pick me up. He also brought me a cup of americano and asked how he can help to make the Ecology building more accessible to me.
@November 29, 2022 First snowstorm in MN, and in my life
@August 17, 2022 Lonely summer lab-time, I took a Tuesday off. Yannick used to plan to come on Tue and take Wed off.
@July 5, 2022 I was anxious about not getting the funding (for my PhD). Came to Katie’s office and cried.
@April 28, 2022 Thank you so much for keeping me on track and not quitting easily.
@Mar 29, 2024.
On the bus to New Brighton, a black person got off the bus before me.
While the driver was un-hooking me, the person flatten the snow pile at the curb, and leaft behind a pathway as the size of the wheelchair.
I shouted to him, already on the other side of the street, after I got off: "thanks for making the way!" He saluted to me.
@Mar 20, 2024.
Residual light from sunset, bed after bath, cat lying on top of me.
What a wonderful day.
@Feb 12, 2024. The first workday in the year of dragon.
- Recived from Chau a red envelope (a traditional celebration way for lunar new year).
- In the red envelope there are candies, and a note with "It makes me happy to see you happy :)"
@Jan 30, 2024. Discussed with paratransit driver about our attitute to news.
- Me: "Everytime when I check the news, I feel like there is a huge mountain in front of me, but the only tool I have in hand is a spoon."
- He: "Try not to get your overwhelmed at first. Step by step, little by little, eventually you will find things look different enough to notice."
- Me: "Ture, and after all, I am not the only one that is scooping."
@Jan 26, 2024. Met my favorate SCI (spinal cord injury) doctor so far.
- All my conscious and uncouscious concerns were taken seriously by him, and we discussed a series of exams and treatments, as well as alternatives.
- He made me feels like I am being being cared and listened carefully, as a valueable person, instead of a patient, or a digit.
- I was invited to join a research on SCI related neuropain - feel likes my poison is meat to other people, which it is a great relief to me.
@Jan 23, 2024. Telling Z that my schedule this semester is crazy, since I am always too ambious during planning phase.
- Z: "I am sorry about the crazy schedule, but don't worry we will fit in hanging out, whenever we can :)."
@November 20 - December 28, 2023. In an intensive outpatient program for depression recovery at Rogers Behavioral Health
- Met and interacted with a group of wonderful people, including therapists, psychiatrists, and most importantly, my cohort in group therapy.
- I learnt from them lots of CBT and DBT skills (as well as how to wear contact lens XD).
- They helped me to be more self-compassion and flexibile.
- They reassured me that I am not alone.
@December 09, 2023. Quote from the novel <Qing Yu Nian>, which is adpated from <The Twelve Kingdoms>
我希望庆国的人民都能成为不羁之民,受到他人虐待时有不屈服之心,受到灾恶侵袭时有不受挫折之心;
I hope the people in Qing can all be free, never bow to any abusement, never give up in the face of any disaster;
若有不正之事时,不恐惧修正之心;不向豺虎献媚……
Whenever there is injustice, never be afraid to make it right; never flatter the jackals...
我希望庆国的国民,每一位都能成为王;都能成为统治被称为『自己』这块领土的,独一无二的王。
I hope each one of the people in Qing can all become king; a unique king who rules over the territory called "me".
@November, 2023 Emotional unstable period, sad about a lot of thing that I can not accept and I decided to change.
- I sent out some emotional-filled emails to a list of people that I care, with the intention of initiating conversation and reflecting on communication.
- I learned a lesson that this kind of emails can very easily be misinterpreted.
- I learned another lesson that I should never call out anyone in front of group, which is not professional.
- For me, everything is connected and I grow myself during my interaction with other beings; but this does not apply for everyone - I need to learn to communicate with the world in an accessible way.
- I received a lot of love back from the people who cared about me. Turned out a lot of people do care, it is just everyone express their care differently.
- Nothing can last forever, even though I wish for that.
@October 31, 2023 Paratransit driver gave me a lolipop after dropping me off
- He: "First treats for you today :) "
@October 24, 2023 After discussion on the 3rd floor, I am going through lab to my office on the 2nd floor.
- Jeremy walked with me through the lab, though his office is on the 3rd floor.
- Me: "Are you going home?"
- Jeremy: "No, just walk you to the elevator."
- Me: "You don't have to, but thanks!"
- Jeremy: "Haha yes I don't have to, but I want to."
@October 21, 2023
- Judy and Minnie decided to come home with me from the shelter.
- I give them a house, they give me a life.
@October 15, 2023 Walk the dog (Mang) with Chau
- Mang will come back to get me while crossing the street.
- She also tried to lie down on my arm, and sit right on top of my face...
@October 12, 2023
- Yann: "You can count on me!!!"
- Bus driver of 121: "Nice to see you back, I missed you a lot since winter! Of course I am happy to help you, you are my favorite rider in the world."
@October 10, 2023
- Swastik stands beside me while bus drivers are putting down the ramp, after I told him I feel uncomfortable with other riders' stare.
- Mingzi: "I should install a lift in front my house so that you can come."
- Joan: "Call me whenever you feel too sad, I will try to be there as soon as I can."
- Forest: "Let's move the whole group to the second floor, so you can at least worry less about accessibility to your own office space."
- Yann: "I am so happy to see you are back to your normal." (Me in heart: "I am so happy that you walk me through my dark period.")
@October 3, 2023 Bus driver of 121
- Me: "Sorry for taking some much of your time."
- He: "No need to apologize. You are the one who deals with this everyday."
@March 2, 2023 Delivered my first Ecology lecture.
- My first group of students are SO GREAT! And I was SUPER HAPPY to see their eyes lighten up while I shared with them what I am passionate about, as the same light in my supervisor's eyes.
- I want to carve this feeling to the rest of my teaching life, and try to bring it to every class I teach.
@February 1, 2023 Received PhD offer, telling Yixi Zhu that I was telling the world about my happiness.
- Yixi: "You must share. I want to tell the world I know an amazing person."
@December 7, 2022 Forest came pick me up. He also brought me a cup of americano and asked how he can help to make the Ecology building more accessible to me.
- Me: "I felt my mobility and flexibility have grown a lot since I arrived here. Feel proud of myself."
- Forest: "I am proud of you too."
@November 29, 2022 First snowstorm in MN, and in my life
- Bus driver of 121
- She: “Thanks for riding my bus and letting me help you.”
- Me: ”You made my day.”
- She: “No, YOU made my day.”
- Mechanician in St. Paul Student Center: He saw me from the student center bus stop, and helped me get to Biological Building despite the snow storm
- He: “I like snowy days, especially when the snow is deep and I left my first print on it.”
- Me: “Maybe I should stay at home so that I won't bother others.”
- He: “No, you made your way here, and you should get what you deserve and focu on what you want to do.”
- Me: “Thanks. Have a very nice day.”
- He: “It already is.”
- On my way home in the evening, I got stuck in the snow which is higher than my wheelchair. After 20min fighting with snow, I still remained around the bus stop where I got off. Bethany showed up - she got off the bus in the middle of her way home when she saw me struggling with snow.
- She pushed me home.
- She gave me a ride the next morning to the campus, though she didn't plan to drive because of the snow.
- She picked me up from Ecology Building and we walked/rolled together to the parking lot, she gave me another ride home.
- She became my first local friend.
@August 17, 2022 Lonely summer lab-time, I took a Tuesday off. Yannick used to plan to come on Tue and take Wed off.
- Yannick showed up in Wed morning: “I switched the two days as well.”
@July 5, 2022 I was anxious about not getting the funding (for my PhD). Came to Katie’s office and cried.
- Katie: "If you really want to stay here, we will definitely find a way. You are so special that, if I could think of a person who get the grant, it will be you."
@April 28, 2022 Thank you so much for keeping me on track and not quitting easily.
- Nathalie: "No, we need a place with full accessibility."
- Desney: "I don't know how many stairs there are, but I will help you deal with all of them."